The Northern Aggression Podcast

Delightful Frothy Puke

Marshall kicks things off with a warning: this episode contains adult content (which… yeah, fair). Gunter calls him out for declaring yet another "very special episode." Marshall had a dream he had to get on tape, and the results are predictably unhinged. They take a detour into pandemic memories, uninvited invitations, and Marshall’s deep (and disturbing) appreciation for Shamrock Shakes. Apparently, he thinks vomiting one is a “delightful” experience. Gunter is baffled, per usual. Marshall shares the time he was hit on and totally missed it—until his friends pointed it out in real time. Nothing makes sense, and that somehow makes total sense.

I Hate Illinois Nazis

Marshall had a dream… and Gunter died. But don’t worry—there was a spreadsheet involved. Gunter calls him out for not being that devastated, and somehow ends up being accused of being Welsh. Again. They talk Dateline, death, and math (but not “fancy math,” Marshall insists). Gunter wins the calculus argument. Marshall shares his spiritual connection to The Blues Brothers and demands to know why we can’t make fun of stupid things anymore. It's chaos, but it’s organized chaos—because there's probably a spreadsheet for it.

Prepping the Welsh

Marshall’s got gripes—this time it’s Gen Z, drug names, and German cars. He swears he’s not talking politics, but we go from Bernie Mac to Jimmy Carter in under two minutes. Gunter just wants to tell a story, but Marshall’s relentless interruptions make it a team effort. He’s mad Gunter doesn’t give him breaking news. She’s confused about what article they’re even discussing. And yes, Marshall’s coming for the Welsh again (because of course he is). We also finally ask the world’s most important question: who’s worse—the Welsh or the French? Marshall claims to be panlingual. Sure, buddy.

Penises and Popscicles

Marshall opens strong with his usual disclaimer—he claims no responsibility. Gunter’s got penis questions inspired by TikTok videos, and somehow Ding Dongs, Twinkies, and squash become part of the conversation. Things immediately go off the rails. Marshall recounts Gunter falling at the Arizona Capitol (just one incident in a long résumé of clumsiness). There’s outrage over banana popsicles getting their own box, Southern analogies, and a disturbing revelation about what Marshall’s mom thinks of when she hears the word novelties. Absolutely nothing is safe in this episode.

Marshmallows for Dinner

Marshall is once again confused why anyone thinks this podcast is funny—but hey, here we are. Gunter debuts a new designer purse, and Marshall roasts it with zero knowledge of labels or prices (she’s not telling anyway). Gunter spills the time Marshall frog-hopped into Walmart. We also learn that Marshall’s old boss tried to fix him with public speaking classes. Spoiler: it didn’t work. There’s malicious compliance, chicken tender sauce debates, and a traumatic McNugget origin story. Marshall insists Gunter should be cooking for him, while Gunter just calls him boring. Also: men searching the skies for flying objects is somehow relevant. And whatever you do, don’t miss Marshall’s encouragement to search “Benny Hinn + Let the Bodies Hit the Floor.” You're welcome.

The Funny Uncle

Marshall and Gunter recount getting stared down at dinner—probably because their religion convo went one bridge too far. Marshall has a bold vision for a mega church empire, while Gunter sees $$$ and Marshall calls her indulgent. There's talk of fun uncles vs. funny uncles, but Gunter can’t seem to explain much without spiraling. They take you on a fashion-judging tour of Walmart, where Gunter has to explain dude wipes to a horrified Marshall (brace yourself). Throw in a rant about workplace benefits, and you've got an episode that definitely needs a warning label.

Boob Job Fell Flat

Marshall’s in rare form—singing, dancing, and questioning whether Britney Spears got a boob job in 1997 (he has thoughts). He breaks down his signature dance moves, attempts to explain a Paula Abdul routine, and humbly brags about impressing a stranger with his Macarena. Gunter keeps referencing songs he’s never heard of, and he’s still spiraling about the Nerd Bowl—this time, furious about the absurdity of some questions. Marshall claims he’s just a “simple man,” but the wild rants and bizarre facts say otherwise. Gunter calls him out, of course. They round things out with a nostalgic, slightly painful dive into 90s bullying. Buckle up—it’s a fever dream of pop culture, trauma, and terrible choreography.

Hearing Aids Prevent Porn

Marshall has questions about Apple’s AirPods-as-hearing-aids commercial, but somehow, that spirals into a Christmas ad where he predicts a kid’s future as a porn star. Speaking of, why does Marshall know so much about the Porn Star Oscars? Be warned—if you sit next to him on a plane, he will analyze your boarding pass. He also roasts Gunter (again) for never grocery shopping or doing laundry, but at least their favorite Chili’s waitress gets another shoutout. Oh, and remember that time Marshall screamed at a minor league baseball game? Yeah, that’s back too. Of course, no episode is complete without Marshall ranting about Apple, Steve Jobs, and pointless smartphone features. Naturally, we wrap things up with a plane crash. Because, why not?

How Do You Advertise Perfume?

Marshall compares his rants to Sherman’s fiery destruction of Georgia—so, you know, subtle as always. He and Gunter reflect on their favorite Chili’s waitress, question if there are other people like them out there (God help us all), and reminisce about almost getting too close to UGA’s sacred football ground. Marshall debates trolling tourists in Savannah, loses his mind over perfume commercials, realizes he’d be terrible in advertising, and throws in some blonde jokes for good measure. Oh, and there’s a full-blown crisis about pronoun usage. This one’s dedicated to the memory of Jimmy Carter—whether he’d approve or not.

Season 2 is coming soon

Season 2 of Northern Aggression is coming next week! Marshall and Gunter are back—still unfiltered, still mostly off-topic, and now officially reachable at northernaggressionpod@gmail.com. They're hunkered down and prepared for your hate mail, rants, and unsolicited thoughts.
In true Marshall fashion, he gives a teaser by explaining what Hexapus means... even though no one asked, and we still don’t know why it matters. Buckle up. Season 2 is almost here.